Sunday, 6 May 2012

Toddlers




Few days ago I was having breakfast at a hotel in Fulda, in Germany, and there was a young family sitting at the table beside me with their Toddler.

Demanding as every Toddler can be, there he was, screaming and pointing to every single item which attracted his attention.  The parents, trying to keep him quiet and to have some breakfast, kept giving to him every single item he pointed to.

Thoughts take us abruptly to some places, although we don’t consciously know the reason, and I caught myself looking at the Toddler and remembering one person with whom I had a relationship many years ago.
Why?  I asked myself.  Surprisingly my subconscious mind immediately came up with the answer:  he was like a Toddler!

If I were to ask you if you’ve ever been in a relationship with a Toddler, you might think I’m a bit insane. But I can prove to you that many of us, at certain times in our lives, have gotten lost in a Toddler’s world.

Toddlers are very charming.  They want to attract you, and everyone, into their world.  Once you’re there, you suddenly realize that they believe they are the center of your, and everyone else’s, Universe, and that everything and everyone revolves/navigates around them, and can be reached at any time.

Toddlers are all about demands.  Their priorities are, they believe, everyone’s priorities.  Although it’s better to say that they don’t even acknowledge other people’s priorities.  They can see the world only, and solely, from the central position they believe they hold.

In the games of daily life, they set the rules.  If you don’t play the way they want, they’ll make sure you feel miserable, and worse, guilty, for upsetting them.  Taking responsibility for their actions is something they also don’t understand — when something doesn’t go the way they expect, of course it’s someone else’s fault.

A relationship with a Toddler is, honestly, nerve-wracking! You live in constant tension, not knowing what he will demand next.  And worse, you want to be ready, to be able to guess his demands prior to being asked, because you want at all costs to avoid a confrontation.  Because, you know, there is no negotiation, nor common sense, with a Toddler.

The fact is, when you get dragged into the gravity field of a Toddler, on the contrary to our lovely Sun, which give us its light and, with that, gives us life, the Toddler takes all your light.  He is the only one allowed to shine. The longer you stay around him, the more probable it is that you’ll end up as just one little faded star in the Toddler’s constellation — or you’ll have gone completely dark.

Contrary to my Toddler, that little boy at the table beside will grow up and, we hope, will realize one day that he can become a key part of someone’s Universe if he’s willing to share the warmth of his light, and be grateful and happy every time they shine.

T

6 comments:

  1. Hi Tulia,
    When I see a child behaving in any which way, I only think he is behaving according to his environment or the modeling he is exposed to. He is not resposible at that time. And some adults go about in life blaming ie their parents for the way they are...
    I believe there comes a time when adults have to stop blaming and start taking reponsiblity and decide if they are going to become their own person and not a copy of whoever modeled them when they could not do anything about it. The first step is to make the decision and then...action!

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    1. I fully agree with you. Taking responsibility for one's acts, and taking an action for a change.
      Thank you for your comments.
      T

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  2. I'd say that was not a German family...german kids dont do that at all...my ones did, a lot! :-))))))

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  3. Tulia dear, I think that if someone behave like this with me (and once I had a kind of) is just because I let him doing it. So at the moment I realize that, I stoped, even wit all my pain... but with a kid I´d must take so much more care, because is forever.. I can´t just finish a relationship with a son. But with an adult? fuck him!

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  4. I agree Rita. But I believe you have to experience life, to be in good terms with yourself, know where you are standing and what you really want for yourself to be able to see the situation clear and make such decisions. And, when you "let yourself to be involved" with a "Toddler", for me it is clear that you .are still not in that stage of your life = self-awareness. There is a saying: "Nobody can hurt you without your permission".
    Thank you for your comments.
    T :-)
    T

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